Have a look at our Editors Choice of the top 4 funniest T-shirts for men. A single banana, he says. Indeed, deaths and injuries from electrocution have been on a steady increase globally in recent years. Right at the track of dawn. Ready to explore these jokes about train? If yes, have a look at the list of train jokes for adults! There will be no time for you not to laugh uncontrollably. A young man has just told me about a great offer on railway buffers. I used to be a railway engineer but I kept losing my train of thought and going down the wrong track. you find yourself looking for old locomotives and color schemes during the obligatory chase scene through the rail yards when youre watching old cop shows and movies on TV. A: A jellicopter! 27. Everyone seems to have a crush on the train conductor. youve been questioned more than once by the police asking, What are you doing parked by the tracks?. The inspector released a statement saying "These people do tend to cum in pears." I swear train conductors never get in trouble. He couldnt coordinate the. The story is about a woman on the train who was travelling the entire route and kept on asking the conductor what time they get to Alice Springs. Every time we go over a railroad crossing, I tell my kids, Hey, a train just went by!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_5',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0'); Because its tracks are still here!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_6',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_7',661,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_8',661,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_9',661,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_3');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-661{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Ivan.Ivan who?Ivan working on the railway.Knock, knock!Whos there?Levin.Levin who?Levin on a steam train.Knock, knock!Whos there?Mister.Mister who?Mister last train home.Knock, knock!Whos there?Wenceslas.Wenceslas who?Wenceslas train home? The yellow bits are sweet corn, I said. If you think this long list of train jokes compilation has brought you a good laugh and had made it to your humor, feel free to share, #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; width:100%;} I finally figured out why you always try to drive me crazy. Did you hear about the train robbery down in Mexico? 51. Swinging a large bag, a young man managed to reach the train, throw his bag in and climb aboard, gasping for air. Theyre just fun! There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught? They are cute because they rhyme and kids say them a lot. Did we catch up with the cow?, 58. His mum says from the storks. 20 Best Train Jokes & Puns that Go the Extra Mile Prepare to derail the conversation with these totally funny train jokes and puns. Joke has 85.78 % from 2120 votes. The next day, hes led to the electric chair. Theyre sure to engineer a few laughs and stop you going off the rails! 4. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel.When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: I wouldnt eat that if I were you.Why not? replied the curious brother.I took one bite and went blind for half a minute., 59. How do you make the locomotive olympics? Its a gift youll definitely want to get for your loved one. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. I wasnt surprised to see every person there was wearing platforms.Remember the good old days of railways, when everyone had plenty of esteem. He first punches a hole in the new bulb. Q: Why can't the engineer be electrocuted? 81. Were on to you, now. Unsplash / Lana Abie 1. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. This train doesnt even STOP in Victoria!, 60. Every detail needs to be kept track of. Easily hand washed. Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning. Give an unforgettable gift and make your loved ones laugh today! Its hard to find anyone with more focus than a train driver. A chew-chew train. Train Bloopers and Wrecks | Funny, Weird and Wacky Trains Lots of Videos for Kids-Marshall Publishing 83.2K subscribers 673 273K views 11 years ago This funny train video shows chicken crossing. An elderly lady walked into a Toronto ticket office and asked for a ticket to New York. No, I didnt miss my train! On inquiry she found that the actual town of Jamestown was some 2 miles away from the station.Why did you not build the station closer to the town? She yelled at the station master.Well at first, we thought the same, said the station master, but then, we decided to build the station near the railway line!, 52. I dont want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive. My boss said to me, You are the worst train operator ever. 69. Every detail needs to be kept track of. 29. 100 + of the Best Laffy Taffy Jokes. The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and nothing happens. A man was going by train from LA. Suddenly the train crashed, where would the survivors be buried?Nowhere, they are the survivors! The police made him give it back.I swear train conductors never get in trouble. I took advantage of an end of the line sale. That train was putting his pantograph near that other train's bi-directional trainset coupling! "Wipe it off and say you're sorry." Max_W_ 3. The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it. And all you sons of bitches who are. A: Because he's not a conductor! The woman sees the same conductor walking past again.She leans out of the window and yells What happened? Lets skip sidings and go for double tracks from Honolulu to LA. They have a red caboose! While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didnt know what it was. There is a surprising amount of humor in train jokes and puns. The Train Wreck T-shirt has an awesome message and a great dark-grey color. A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. The train conductor was feeling silly and decided to wear platform shoes to work. Read on to have a good laugh and learn a joke or two to share withyour friends and family. I wanted to put together this list of funny train puns a while ago, but I just kept getting side tracked. Wow, you really have to hand it to ticket inspectors. A large two engine train was crossing America. He knocked on the restroom door and said, Ticket, please. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. Its a freight day to go for a ride on a train.If you spend too much time walking on railroad tracks it might leave you feeling run down.The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job.He was there come train or shine.You can always tell when a train driver is stressed because they bite their rails.The conductor was right in the middle of her presentation when she lost her train of thought.Embarrassed, she quickly disembarked from the room.Did you know that train conductors make great thieves?Theyre really good at covering their tracks.Its hard to find anyone with more focus than a conductor.They have complete tunnel vision.How does a train avoid detection?It covers its tracks.I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed.He told me it was hard to keep track.Why do trains take so long to arrive on Halloween?Theyre running with a skeleton service.I was able to pick up a few railway buffers for cheap the other day.I took advantage of an end-of-the-line sale.Its always great working with a train conductor.Theyre always ready to take one for the steam.What does a monster see when it sees a train full of passengers?A chew chew train.Conductors can be quite intimidating when you get them angry.Make sure you dont yank their train!Everyone seems to have a crush on the train conductor.Theyre quite at-track-tive.Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. The This Is Not A Drill T-Shirt was made for that special member of your family whos always on duty whenever things break down in the house, for the special grandfather whos always busy making stuff in the workshop. A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. What do you call a lazy bull? It covers its tracks. when you are parked and getting ready to back out of your space you give two long blast of your horn when releasing your parking brake, three short honks before backing up, and then two honks before moving foreword. Youve got to hand it to them, 37. Anyone who steals a train would definitely have a locomotive. Since you have freed me from the lantern, you can make a wish, the genie who was attired in coveralls and an engineers hat announced.I thought genies always granted three wishes, the railfan said.Those are the lamp and bottle guys, the genie explained.The train fan nodded his understanding.Okay then lets have a request unless you want to stand around and discuss waning wizard wishes.The railfan quickly replied, I would like a railroad built to Hawaii.The genie stared at the railfan and shook his head. Follow the tracks. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: There are many exciting and humorous jokes about trains that are suitable for people of all ages. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please., Ive been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and Im getting really annoyed, It keeps asking me, Where do you want to go?. Did you give him the banana? demands the head guard. Q: What do you call a train that eats toffee? Being a train driver is more difficult than it looks. 70. Here comes the choo choo train!. Then, the young woman proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The cops were investigating the recent theft of a train. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineers chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. A locomotive. Vote: share joke. */. Hes my arch enemy.I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. Basically, theyre always up to something and theyll definitely enjoy the message on this grey T-shirt. I guess thats why I like monorails so much! How many trains have you derailed in the past year?, I said, Im not sure. One snatches your watch. What do you call a train that cant stop sneezing?Achoo-choo train.What did the train driver say to the lady who wanted to know how long the next train would be and if it would run on time? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!Is it normal my emo cousins hobby is tying himself to train tracks. What sort of car does a crazy person drive? 93. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. 17. Joke #3864. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. They strap him in, pull the switch, and nothing happens. 39. 87. The train driver was overloaded with work, but he just kept chugging along. Lydic, who is guest-hosting the Comedy Central program this week, joined Buttigieg at the Department of Transportation to talk about Fox News, accusations his . I dont need all this, OMG, I cant drive a train nonsense. How can hurricanes see? Oh, and did I mention that with every purchase, youll also get a FREE greeting card and a pendant? Laugh more here: Hilarious Puns and Jokes for Kids. 63. The first blonde says, Look, those are deer tracks., The second blonde looks at them and says, No youre wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves., The third blonde thinks for a minute and says, Youre both wrong, these are hog tracks, Im sure.. They always seem to have a get out of rail free card. 85. The prices range from below $10 to slightly over $25, depending on size. My first reaction when I began putting this list together was skepticism. people look at you funny as they drive by while you are standing out in the middle of nowhere by a railroad track with a tripod and a camera. So after the conference, the accountants decided to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). The male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year ago. 31. 41. As hes helped back on the train the gent who picked him up says, Man youre lucky I was here to help! About that Hawaii thing. At around midnight, as they are both trying to fall asleep, the man says to the woman, Excuse me maam, but its really cold, would you mind passing me one of the extra blankets on the table beside you?, The woman answers, Ill tell you what, Im also feeling really cold, for one night, why dont pretend we are married?, The man, taken aback but enthusiastic replies, Yeah of course!, And so the woman says, Good. A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track. Sure thing, no problem. Look at that S car go!. Its a slowcomotive.Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. Theyre not the conductor.Did you hear about the man who took the 6 oclock train home? It was an ex-press train. When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. 96. 40. A passenger train is creeping slowly along. What a cute bunch of cows! she remarked. The collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door. Knock, knock!Whos there?Quintus.Quintus who?Quintus the next train leave?Knock, knock!Whos there?Alpaca.Alpaca who?Alpaca the suitcase, you see what time the train leaves.Knock, knock!Whos there?Betsy.Betsy who?Betsy of all, the train ticket says first class.Knock, knock!Whos there?Chew.Chew who?You sound like a chew-chew train.Knock, knock!Whos there? Being a train driver is more difficult than it looks. Q: How do locomotives hear?A: Through the engineers! This collection of train jokes are clean and safe for kids of all ages - and we're adding new jokes all the time. He had to give it back.How do trains hear?Through their engineers.What do you call a pretend railway station?A play station.Why was the train engine humming? One of them trains the mind, while the other one minds the trains. To this, the other replied, "It's not the stairs that bother me, it's the low banister. A few years ago, I decided to visit my sister who was living in France. The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler. Said to a railroad engineer: Whats the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.The reply from the railroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didnt have a schedule?. Train conductors are clever and known for their engine-uity. All rights reserved. Yo mama so dirty, her house was mistaken for a landfill. Q: Why is the railroad angry? The manager says he'll be right up. All texts within this site are protected under International rights of reproduction law: ToyTrainCenter.com. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilots jacket and hat.You wanna know why I love trains?They end my suffering.Why was I stress eating on the train track?To wait to get hit.Why cant a steam locomotive sit down?Because it has a tender behind.Why did timmy drop his ice cream coneHe got hit by a train. Choose your size on Amazon. They were still arguing when the train hit them. To their astonishment, the engineers didnt buy a ticket at all. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. I went to a throwback party at the train station. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-box-3','ezslot_4',170,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-3-0');These funny train jokes and puns will put you on the right track to a fun-filled day! Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. It is hard to find good train jokes. He receives plenty of freight mail. Now that you have a handy list of train puns and train jokes at your disposal, its time for you to share them with whoever will listen! Its an electric train. Did you hear that theyre making a new fuel additive out of grapes in France?Yeah, they call it Vin Diesel. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. I obviously took the ex-press train back home.I went to a railway fancy dress party at the weekend. you time your errands around town based on the train schedule to spot trains and get groceries. It comes in a variety of sizes from Small to 3X-Large and is made 100% out of cotton. "Look lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" I guess that's why I like monorails so much! He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how hed done it. saying: "All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off. Whats one easy way to tell if a train just passed? Three blondes are walking through a forest when they spot tracks on the ground. If you are in a bad mood, reading them will instantly brighten you up. I found that many people spoke only their own language and this included the ticket inspector on the train. A lady passenger got off the train at the newly built standard gauge railway station at Jamestown, with a child in her lap and 2 suitcases. This is an absolute requirement if youre actually on a train, but dont be afraid to randomly bring one of these up in casual conversation as well (maybe when youre meeting the parents). But I have to get off there! he insisted.Well, there might be one thing I can do. Embarrassed, he quickly disembarked the room. Whats another name for a freight train thats transporting gum? Why did the elephant refuse to travel on the train? The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job. A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people. No one would ever find out how hard he trained, because he never got a platform to share it. Why are you laughing?Gordon smiled, They only came to see me off.. If youre interested in reading train jokes one-liners, then take a closer look at the following list! Train With Wife Joke - Dirty Jokes Train With Wife Joke Back to: Dirty Jokes Follow @quickjokes A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. Cassie bought each grandson a bag. 6. Stalin says, "I know what to do. Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. Me: The station You can do it. 8. Later, as the man had said, he did fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized he was in Frankfurt. Youll be laughing uncontrollably in no time.*. I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. When his train was pulling to a stop, she heard him. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. The train track says a pint for me, please, and one for the road.I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didnt want to leave his trunk in the baggage car. If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down. 82. Posted February 7, 2004. Choose your size on Amazon. Q: Why can't a steam locomotive sit down? 11. The realist sees a freight train.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_20',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_21',667,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_22',667,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_23',667,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_3');.large-mobile-banner-2-multi-667{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. They suspected the culprit had a locomotive. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis." to Chicago. Choose your size on Amazon! The fabric is made of ultra-soft combed cotton to get that comfortable fit and feel and comes in every size possible from Small to XX-Large. Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning? At the station, the three Irishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket. When he got in he said to the ticket man, Sir, I really need you to do me a favor. Looking for train jokes and jokes about trains? I've always been a big fan of a funny one-liner. I assume you want diesel power.. Watch and youll see, answered an engineer.When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another nearby. You can see for yourself what I mean by scrolling through this list. I've always been a big fan of a funny one-liner. He starts to slow down! A mother was working in the kitchen and her son was playing in his. 2.-. He lost on points. The How to Math T-shirt is exactly what the title suggests: a pie chart diagram breaking down the percentages of how to do mathematics. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor. Otherwise she wouldnt untie us from the tracks. The train departed. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. It was our first choice not only because of the train pun, but also because it is printed with eco friendly inks. You look so good; I wanna kiss your lips and then move up toward your belly button. Did you hear about the man who took the 6 oclock train home? I guess thats why I like monorails so much!Always keep an eye on train puns, they can go off the rails without warning.Train conductors are known for their drinking. Yo mama so dirty, when she swims in a pool, a ring is left around the edge. 1. A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. 83. One of them said, "This is is longest stairway I have ever been on." One trains the mind, the other minds the trainsI know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. How are you going to travel without a ticket? said one perplexed accountant. you have a scanner in your car tuned to the train channels to have a heads up on their locations to intercept them at crossings. Q: Why did the geared locomotives never marry?A: They were the only ones never coupled, 66. 35. Have you reached the age of a grown-up? Ive been meaning to make a list of bad railroad punsbut I keep getting side tracked. As the last car goes by, a hand grabs the man by the shirt collar and lifts the man right back into the train! Young Gordon was with his parents and they were taking refreshments in the bar at Reading station when they heard a whistle. Unfortunately, he lost on points. Within a weeks time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one. A man traveling by train asks the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria. 98. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Because they cant even put on a skeleton service! A man called a taxi company in Waterford (Sth Ireland) and said Can you help me? Best Short Jokes & Dirty One-Liners Sometimes, humor is all about efficiency and that applies to the best adult jokes as well. After a few times the conductor begins to become a bit impatient. Q: Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween?A: They only run a skeleton service.
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train jokes dirty