Give them a reason to smile at their phone today. 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Sports I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Why does Waldo wear stripes? His wife's not home; the past few nights she's returned past midnight with increasingly elaborate alibis. Inspirational Because it would be a foot. I asked him, Whats the word on the street?. Its busy, and he looks around at the customers. Game Jokes. Family Friendly The elf-abet. "Can you go and get me another one please?" Why should you spend all your Sims time on the creation screen. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? The barman says theres three parts to the challenge. I tied it to my bike to take it home, but on the way I realised if i fell off my bike, the bottle would smash. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? When the blood begins to ooze out, you turn them over so the brown side is facing forward. Inspiring Quotes About Life Because they're always popping! Why cant your ear be 12-inches long? Food And you don't have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. Iron Man. Click here for more information. Too many cheetahs. 30. He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Why cant you play hockey with pigs? These hysterically bad ideas that actually worked out well are sure to get you chuckling, too. Neptunes. Time flies like an arrow. Burgers made with fresh beef patties are the best! He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. Apparently he wasn't home because he was off studying with some other friends at their place. Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Roblox Jokes. 2. Cops smashed my phone. when a man runs up to them, crosses himself, then spreads his arms and closes his eyes. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. What do you do with a sick boat? 200 Short Jokes That Are Funny. ** (its not mine but of** u/itshimstarwarrior**, i find . Here's a list of funny sales puns just for you. 41 of Bill Baileys most gleefully funny jokes and one-liners The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma.". You stay here. They sent material. Its full ofblades. Because its pointless. I choose round. Sarah Millican, My wife its difficult to say what she does. Customers are down and costs are soaring. You put a little boogie in it. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood.". Here are a few to start off with: These clean, corny jokes and puns will give everyone a good laugh without making anyone uncomfortable. What did one toilet say to another? Funny Comebacks to Say Scan this QR code to download the app now. Selling doors, door-to-door. Bill Bailey. A fridge. He was stuck in a vicious cycle. Don't be a pesSIMist! Archived post. Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? The second bird wakes up late everyday and cant find anything to eat. Whats the best way to burn 1,000 calories? 105 of the best short jokes and one-liners to get you laughing in seconds. 2. What do you call someone with no body and no, Best corny jokes that will make you laugh aloud. A dino-snore! ' Tim Vine, I have kleptomania. 14. More Jokes Youll Love: McDonalds Jokes, Potato Jokes, Chicken Jokes, Cow Jokes. A nervous wreck. Why dont they play poker in the jungle? He gets treated with great respect since hes such a talented actor. The best dad jokes are the ones you see you coming a mile away. Smiling should be an everyday activity, which is why telling corny jokes should be an everyday activity. A father-in-law. Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? Oh what a goal! 48. puns for adults with good senses of humor. I said 40. People are dying to get in. Whats that restaurant on the moon like? 25 hilarious dad jokes youve probably never heard before Theyre on the way out! Tim Vine. Shulk as a thief: I'M REALLY STEALING IT. A pork chop. Enjoy! What kind of birthday does the Snow Queen like? What do you call a cow with two legs? 25 of Lee Macks wittiest jokes and one-liners New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. My sim keeps gaining weight! Exit signs? My Grandmother's favorite saying was actually a song. 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes Tomb it may concern. 45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes Your face muscles. And just as he was hanging on to his lead shred of sanity, he smashed his thumb with a hammer. A dad and his son are getting competitive while playing Smash Bros. At the time, my son, who was 8 years old, ordered sliders. Not wanting to smash it, I trapped it under a cardboard box. Privacy Policy. Why did the photo go to jail? Making his way inside, he is shocked to see Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top Fame standing behind the counter, serving tea. At around 3 AM, drunk as a skunk, he headed for home. Keep the game going with our Mario jokes, Minecraft jokes, . Radford the scorer!, John Motsons final football commentary can be heard on Match of the Day on Sunday (13 May) on BBC1 at 10.30pm, Have your say on the latest TV and film with Screen Babble, the television discussion group on Facebook, 100 of Homer Simpsons greatest quotes For more laughs, dont miss these bad puns. One day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times. Milton Jones. What did the bartender say to the turkey sandwich when it tried to order a beer? He was so good, I don't even. Why cant you trust duck doctors? Gets jalapeo business! A pub landlord is struggling with the cost of living crisis. Where wasKing Davids temple located? All it was doing was collecting dust. Why cant your nose be 12-inches long? Id have thought the UEFA official would have spotted that but perhaps hes been deafened by the noise of this crowd., The World Cup is a truly international event., None of the players are wearing earrings. 2. She couldnt control her pupils. Once you're finished marveling at our hilarious collection of Avengers jokes, why not check out our TV, Disney or superhero jokes! This is my step ladder. But neither of them want to go, so they need to provide medical proof why they cant join. She just puts it on her bill. Sometimes you just want to make somebody laugh, but are pushed for time. Short jokes, bad jokes, and even corny jokes play on words, puns, one-liners,. Last night an ant ran across my floor. One said: Oo, oo, aah. The other replied:Put some cold in then. Harry Hill, My friend says to me: What rhymes with orange? I said: No it doesnt!, You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The bartender said, Sorry, we dont serve breakfast.. An Irishman walks out of a bar. Chocolate Chip Wookiee. Did you hear that Im reading a book about anti-gravity? They've invited some friends, A, B, C and Z, over for a tournament. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. that will make everyone in the family laugh. The first says Ill take a glass of, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), why did the chicken cross the road jokes, You wont stop laughing at these animal memes, secrets to telling a great joke, straight from stand-up comedians. So I had to put my foot down. She came bac, They wanted to call it Smash Bros but it was already taken. !" It was a long, dramatic, drawn-out way of telling us to shut-up. All the fans left. . What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. They always hog the puck. 50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes 8 years ago. Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Man, these effective funny love jokes are sure to warm her heart. What do you call a blind dinosaur? As he walks off to do some shopping he envisions someone opening the door and taking off with it. Best smash jokes. You can find her byline on pieces about grammar, fun facts, the meanings of various head-scratching words and phrases, and more. One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. The series was a smash hit, garnering much acclaim and numerous Emmys over the course of its 11-season run. . These corny jokes are great to share with the young people in your lifeand the old ones. Of course, you can always text these funny jokes to the friends you've already made. and our If so, read on to get your fill of funny anti-jokes. What runs but never goes anywhere? 6. He got lost at C. Why cant you trust the king of the jungle? They have eyes. Start in England and drive west. If at first, you dont succeed, fry, fry again! Sneakers. If you want more funny pirate jokes, here they arrrrr. They each got six months. With bookworms. Dont worry its just spam. He was a little horse. Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. They crack up too easily. It's not even midnight and my Welsh friend just messaged me "Blwyddyn Newydd Dda". And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. So grab some ketchup and enjoy reading these hilarious burger jokes! He told me to stop going there. Where does the electric cord go to shop? Shulk in a church: I'M REALLY KNEELING IT. When you get hit by a guitar truck, is it a fender-bender? I never knew my real ladder. None of them know anything about it.*. Im addicted to Twitter! The doctor replies, Sorry, Im not following you.. Because his father was a wafer so long! Its a rip-off. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. They make up everything. I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Sometimes she screams so loud that I'm worried the neighbors would hear us. I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Music A walkie talkie. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? These clever jokes will instantly make you sound smart. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. He found a nice little bar about a block away, sat down at a table and ordered a drink. level 2 He said Thanks! I said Dont mention it., I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. If you're not sure what to say when you meet someone new, a good joke or pun can break the ice. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners It was two tired. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory? A wise quacker. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity! With any luck, you'll see her crack a smile. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. What do you call a bear with no teeth? **A man doesn't come home one night. Two Cadillac drivers got in a fender-bender, got out of their cars, and then started yelling at each other. Its shift work. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. With a pumpkin patch. A store in our area was having a sale on batteries. Europe How did the hipster burn his tongue? these dark jokes, you might just be a genius! After removing the pickles from her burger, she cut them in half. 26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes To get to the other side. An investi-gator. 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat? When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!" They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. He said, I want you to trace someone for me. The only black character is incredibly two-dimensional, Because Sakurai heard that smash players were attracted to miners. He was on a roll! First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. Why dont eggs tell jokes? Shulk playing cards: I'M REALLY DEALING IT. The 20 most nonsensical quotes from the W1A team One says, Wow, its hot in here. The other one says, Sure is. One said: Did you hear the. If a cars chasing you, youll definitely get tired. Why did the robber jump in the shower? Kjeldberg, with his contact lenses, is the closest we can get., Nearly all the Brazilian supporters are wearing yellow shirts its a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour., Apparently, Clint Dempsey is a freestyle rapper whatever that means., That shot might not have been as good as it might have been., And Seaman, just like a falling oak, manages to change direction., Not the first half you might have expected, even though the score might suggest that it was., You couldnt count the number of moves Alan Ball made I counted four, and possibly five., The unexpected is always likely to happen., Ive just heard that in the other match Real Madrid have just scored. 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners The humor then comes from the literalness of the joke. Why do bees have sticky hair? Why did the mushroom go to the party? Summer Bellhop. 20 of Malcolm Tuckers most cutting insults Then it would be a foot. 10. DANG! What do sprinters eat before they race? Why did the scarecrow win an award? Nothing. Sharri82 5 yr. ago. John Motson . Reality. With occasionallyAlan Partridgeesque results. Because Sakurai heard that smash players were attracted to miners. These corny jokes shouldnt go over anyones head, even the youngest children in the household. A do-you-think-he-saw-us. So we stopped playing chess. Matt Kirshen. They go into the kitchen where Alice offers her a cold soda and opens the fridge. What did the cake say to the fork? Master of the one-liner Tim Vine makes a few .
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